Type A: The Madness behind the Blog

About four years ago I was stuck. Like crying in the closet stuck. I was 26 and I realized that I was knee deep in my Quarter Life Crisis. I was a hot mess.

Fast forward to now...

I'm still a bit of a hot mess, but I'm able to articulate that I'm a mess. I am a Type-A individual.

What does that mean?

  • I love planning
  • I plan about planning 
  • I bullet my task
  • I have a 5 year plan, 10 year plan

What does this also mean? 

Vulnerability Plug: It is really hard for me to get out of my emotional bullshit especially when it comes to relationships  and communicating my FEELINGS buuuut... I'm willing to change

Here's the deal. A couple of years ago I would have cursed you out because I couldn't handle my own emotions. I literally had a boyfriend write in his song that I was mean. Seesh

Within the past 3 years, I've gone through a huge transformation. From being depressed for 10 years to creating a business and writing a memoir. 

Here's how we all lie to our selves. We deny our feelings. We blame people or situations for our problems. Or we live in complete delusion.

In all honesty, my favorite point of fear is denial. When I'm not facing my fears, I try to ignore the problem at hand. What ends up happening? 

Well for starters, I start blaming myself for my actions. When I blame myself, I shut out people that I love, because I can't deal with my emotions. If you are an Type-A individual this is a common theme. 

Here's where the transformation changes. Recognizing that there is a problem is the first thing you should do. 

 This week I read "Emotional Bullshit," by Dr. Carl Alasko. And what a soul shaking experience it's been. 

 

Here are some key questions from the book:  

1)  Am I denying an essential fact or responsibility?

2) Am I creating a delusional reality to support the denial?

3) Am I deflecting my responsibility by blaming someone or something else?

Deflecting responsibility allows you to not change what you’re doing, to not be held accountable or to avoid the consequences of your action - Dr. Alasko 
Here's a great clip of Dr. Alasko :) 

Here is the honest truth. I moved to Philadelphia to be with an amazing person and I lost my identity. Not because of him, but because I was stepping into a new role of entrepreneurship, and I freaked out a bit.  I created a business, and now my company has gone from one but to four, but I forgot to take care of myself. That unfortunately that created a terrible spiral of mis-unfortunate events. 

  • sickness
  • sleep deprivation
  • questioning the passing of two people that I loved dearly

It took me a while to get back to but once I had emotional smack in the face, I was able to go back to my core values.

Life is tricky. Once I admitted that I wasn't attending to my needs a can of magic worms appeared.

I found myself at a music studio recording.  

I wrote out my emotional bullshit out. I realized that although I am "Type-A" I am also a creative person. When I feel overwhelmed I kill my creativity.  I realized that being creative is the most important thing in my life. I love to plan... But I also like to sing. 

Do you feel the same way?

Is there something that is holding you back?

What area are you creative in?