Fyre Fever: 5 Tips to get out of your Perfectionist stage

Perfectionism

85% of the men and women we interviewed remember something so shaming from their school experience that it changed how they think of themselves as learners.

Brene Brown

If there’s one thing that the Fyre Festival documentary on Netflix taught us is were all striving for perfection. Oh and social media and hype are terrible. I am secretly dealing with this problem having a business. The constant need to impress to take cute pictures. It’s driving me crazy. I’m sure you know someone that is on this path as well. The problem with the path perfection or the need of perfection is that is caused and derived by some from of trauma.

The trauma of every day life occurs when one makes a mistake and vows to change that mistake and makes the promise to not ever make the mistake. Now we know that some folks don’t make say okay "I’ll never do that again,” every time, but we suspect that there is an unconscious tug of perfection. I’m going to tell you about my trauma and fixation with perfection. If you want to scroll down to get the five steps, it’s all good too.

One trauma to rule them all

The hardest thing for someone who is a Type A is to admit that something isn’t working.  Especially if people are depending on Type As to get the job done. I’ve heard so many things about my perfectionism that it’s become a part of me. Most people that are type A don’t want to talk about the real reason why they want to be perfect.

I’ll tell you why we strive to perfection...it’s because we’re not dealing with some deep unconscious stuff. We used to all use to be little babies without a care in the world and we slowly start cleaning up our rooms. Coloring in the lines, never being creative. It’s a slow process to morph into what we are today. My trauma was the reason why started on the path to perfection.

Brace yourselves because this is not going to be nice, and I don’t like being this vulnerable, but personally I feel if you’ve already started reading this blog, you’re invested in the cause.

Second grade

If you’ve ever had a teacher that was a perfectionist, you’re in for a mind f#$%. Most teachers that are perfectionist, have most things together, but watch out for them because they are ticking time bombs. Bombs that would say things that would be incredibly humiliating and unfortunately they will traumatize you.

Second grade is was the first grade that I recall experiencing shame at school. I had a teacher by the name of Mrs. Studeman was a perfectionist. So much that I admired her and hated her at the same time. Everything about her classroom was perfect. From the organized calendars on her bulletin board to her scheduled  her playing classical music while we wrote our narrative stories.

She was everything to me and it pained me when I disappointed her. As a Type A, I wanted to do well in class, but I also was a people pleaser so I typically would be a part of foolishness, like putting a whoopee cushion under someone's chair.. Second grade created a safe haven for me. I was able to attend a school near my house that was new. I saw my mom a lot because she went to school close to my school, so in many ways my life felt safe for a short period of time….

In second grade I had a friend name, Olivia. Olivia was very smart and cute, she was a perfectionist, just like  Mrs. Studeman. One hot California day she and I got in trouble for arguing in class. I remember so vividly. I don’t remember what we were arguing about all I remembered was the reaction that my teacher gave me.

She grabbed both of us by the ear. She to explained that we won’t ever be successful if we don’t act like ladies, and that we won’t ever amount to much. When this happened I didn’t know what to do, because I had already experienced public humiliation before. I didn’t want to experience this again. So I believed her. I believed every word she said.

• You won’t be successful

• You won’t ever amount to much

• You’re not smart

• You must fit in

The underlining theme of all these statements pretty much ran my entire life. I was not smart. It didn’t matter how many accolades I got I wasn’t smart. That was an underlying theme in my subconscious mind.

You can’t do this. You are stupid. Work harder so you can show how smart you are…

It pains me to say, but this is how I lived and occasionally this is what my inner dialogue tells me. It also pains me to say that I see one of my family members going through it and I’m not sure what to do.

Let’s go back to second grade….

So, Olivia did not agree with this at all and she told her mom. Olivia’s mom called the principal and wanted to solve this problem. This problem not only exploded but if became a full on investigation. A teacher pulling ears? Who would do such a thing?

The principal pulled me into his office one day. I can remember sitting in the green, plastic chairs. I can remember the way the school smelled. He asked , “ Eugenie, come and take a seat.I wanted to talk to you about an incident.”

I was stuck in a bind do I tell the truth and be a disappointment to Mrs. Studeman? Or do I tell the principal exactly what happened.

What did I do I lied and said that Olivia made up the stories.

That night I cried in my sleep silent tears. Instead of me standing up for myself, I became one confused little kid. My grades dropped and I took second grade for a second time. My mother felt as if I wasn’t mature enough to move on.

So after that experience I became a mature student. My whole demeanor changed. I went from being a free spirit to telling my mom that I wanted to learn how to golf because that where business deals were made.  

From second grade on. I slowly stripped away my authentic self because honestly I felt as if my true self sucked. Anytime I wanted to express feelings I would push away the desire to.

I thought that the best thing to do is to perfect my identity for others.

I’m not sure if my teacher had past crap that she was dealing with, but one thing is for certain most teachers struggle through some crazy ish..

Have you ever had a situation that was similar? Have you ever had the feeling that it was more important to shy away yourself because you wanted to impress someone? Just know that you aren’t alone

5 Tips to get out of your Perfectionist stage

1. Go to Therapy/Life Coach/ Seminar

2. Turn off Social Media

3. Go for a Walk

4. Write in your journal

5. Be okay with not being okay.